


The Age Gap

by Opium_Smoke



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Crack, F/M, Just to cover my arse, Light Yaoi/Slash/Shounen-Ai, M/M, May contain spoilers, Severely OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-24 07:00:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4909777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opium_Smoke/pseuds/Opium_Smoke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy Mustang used to have a hang up about the age gap between him and Edward. Then he realized it could be worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Age Gap

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler) © Yana Toboso. Hagane no Renkinjutsushi (Fullmetal Alchemist) © Hiromu Arakawa. No profit is being made from this story. This story does not necessarily reflect the author’s religious views, beliefs or morals.
> 
> AN (may contain spoilers for story and cannon): Once again, one of those stories that was so much better in my head. I kinda regret letting it out. Anyway, I’ve read so many Roy x Edward stories that use the Age difference excuse for Mustang to hold off on Ed. It’s such a cliché. So I thought I’d better use it. Please enjoy my silly take on it. And yes, that number of "great"s is actually correct and roughly calculated off Hohenheim's age (450) divided by the gap between Roy and Ed (15) which gives 28... I might have missed a couple of "great"s, but I was going cross eyed by the end of that. 
> 
> Conception Date: 21/2/2015  
> Completion Date: 24/2/2015
> 
> ATTENTION: I currently have a survey running to get feedback about what readers would like to read more of, as I start planning my publishing schedule for the first half of next year. You guys are extra special since, unlike the fanfiction.net readers, you get to give me more specific requests, so take advantage of it while you can. The survey will run until sometime in December and can be found at https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/8687GML

Roy sat at the bar, staring moodily into his drink. Fifteen years… way to make him feel old. He drained his glass and signalled to the bartender to give him a refill. Another tumbler of the fiery liquor took the place of his empty glass. He was old enough to be the boy’s father, not that the boy looked anything like him. Roy let his head rest on the table top with a groan. This was exactly why he had held off of Edward Elric. He had argued with him, pushed him away, yet Edward had kept coming at him like the relentless storm. A very attractive, blazing, enticing, irresistibly sexy- no. No. No going there. Bad thoughts, baaaad thoughts. Not that any of this denial changed the fact that they had been going at it like deprived bunnies. 

At work. 

In his office. 

On his desk. 

When Hawkeye walked in. 

Roy shuddered at the memory. He would remember in future; Riza’s grin was more terrifying than her guns.

But back to the topic at hand- Wait. Why did he even want to think about it! Wasn’t the whole point of this exercise to get absolutely plastered so he didn’t have to think about it?! With a miserable sob he started banging his head against the table top, much to the alarm of the barkeeper.

Three drinks later, Roy had been persuaded to stop denting the table and was well on his way to getting plastered.

There was a “poofing” as someone settled on the padded bar stool next to him. Blearily he looked up at the familiar blond, before allowing his head to thunk back down onto the table.

‘I’ll have what he’s having.’ The blond said, indicating Roy. Roy said something, but it was muffled by the table.

‘What was that?’ Asked the bartender warily. Roy lifted his head just enough to focus unsteadily on the barman.

‘I said I’ll have another one too.’ Roy rested his head back onto the table top, before turning his head to look at the other man

‘What are you doing here?’ He asked with the bluntness only alcohol could give him. The blond man raised his eyebrows, his golden ponytail swishing slightly as he looked at the inebriated officer. 

‘I can’t come for a drink now and then?’

‘Didn’t think you were the type.’ There was an awkward silence.

‘So why are you here and not screwing your lover?’ Asked Hohenheim. Roy looked at the blond strangely.

‘You do realize you’re asking me why I’m not buggering your son, Hohenheim.’ He asked blankly, deadpanning at his potential father-in-law.

‘Yes. So why are you here and not with him?’

‘Because there’s no way it can work, so I’m going to get plastered.’ Roy said, sculling the drink that had just arrived for him before slamming the glass back down.

‘Why?’ Hohenheim asked sipping his drink. Roy just started banging his head against the table in reply. The older man simply put a coaster between Roy’s head and the table, before continuing.  
‘It can’t be the rank thing; Edward already quit the military. It can’t be the oil and water thing; the sounds coming from your house afterwards disprove that.’ Roy spluttered at that, coughing hard as the alcohol went down the wrong way. Hohenheim’s eyes narrowed and he glared at the dark haired man. ‘It had better not be the male thing.’

Roy looked at him incredulously. Here he was, Edward’s former superior officer, getting drunk after being asked why he wasn’t screwing this man’s son, while being accused of possibly having a hang up on said son’s gender. This didn’t make any sense to him. He obviously wasn’t drunk enough yet. With that revelation he signalled the bartender for another glass, rubbing his gloved fingers meaningfully together when the man hesitated. The barman quickly placed his drink before him before glancing hopefully at the older man. Whether Hohenheim gave him any significant look back was lost on Roy as he took a large swig. When he lowered his glass the barman was down the other end. 

‘That leaves the age thing.’ Hohenheim mused as if nothing had happened. ‘It’s really not that bad, Roy. There’s only a what? Fifteen years difference between you. It’s not that bad.’ Roy stared agog.

‘Not that bad?!’ Roy exclaimed incredulously ‘I’m double his age! I’m old enough to be his father. That makes me a cradle robber! Anyway how would you know? It’s not like you had to worry about the age gap between you and Trisha. You got together when you were older than me and Ed?’ A guilty silence fell between them before Hohenheim started counting using his fingers. Finally he looked back up at Roy. A shadow of gloom seemed to have taken up residence on his face.

‘If I count by the fifteen year age gap between you and my son, I could have been Trisha’s great-great-great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great-, great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great-grandfather when I first met her. A fifteen year age gap is nothing compared to that.’ Hohenheim gloomily took a large swallow of his drink, before signalling to the bartender to bring him another five. Both men stared depressingly into their drinks as they stewed over the age gap between them and their partners.

‘You know, a fifteen year age gap doesn’t sound that bad now.’ Roy said contemplatively.

‘Four hundred and twenty years…’ Moaned Hohenheim as he hung his head ‘If you’re a cradle robber, I’d be a foetus robber.’ 

‘Four hundred and twenty years? That’s nothing compared to the age gap between me and my sweet cheeks.’ A voice commented from beside them. They stared in disbelief at the tall dark haired man standing at the bar next to them. ‘Four bottles of Vodka.’ He said to the astounded barman, slapping down a number of bills. 

‘Surely you’re not going to drink them yourself?!’ He exclaimed warily. The young dark haired man laughed lightly. 

‘Oh no, it’s not all for me, my companion’s waiting over at the table there.’ The trio looked over in the direction he indicated. At a table half consumed by the shadows was a boy of twelve, an eye patch covering his right eye scowling at the table top while he toyed with a gold ring.

‘Ahem… ah, sir.’ The barman said hesitantly ‘We don’t serve minors.’

‘He is very much of age.’ The stranger replied bemusedly ‘He is in fact thirty.’ At the incredulous looks on their faces he continued ‘We both look a lot younger than we really are.’ He said smirking.  
‘Well if you’re sure the alcohol won’t be too much…’ the barman said doubtfully

‘I assure you, we are used to drinking vodka in far greater amounts.’ With a sigh the barman retreated. Taking advantage of the wait, Hohenheim asked a question that had been bugging him ever since the man first spoke.

‘You said that a four hundred and twenty year age gap was nothing. What did you mean by that?’ At that moment the bartender returned with the requested bottles. Picking them up the dark haired man turned to reply.

‘The gap between me and my kitten spans some three thousand years or so.’ He replied with a pleasant smile. Both men’s jaws dropped, as they stared at the retreating man’s back. It just was not possible. There’s no way anyone could live that long.

‘Hey!’ Called Roy as the tall man turned round and winked, before dissipating into nothingness along with his companion. Once again Roy and Hohenheim were left slacked jawed. Turning back to the bar, Roy stared into his drink. Clearly he had drunk more than enough. Still…

‘Fifteen years really isn’t that bad after all.’


End file.
